Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Sioux City, Iowa
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions
at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the
flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular
floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot
go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the
first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the
sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good
Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going..
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good
Looking and Help With Housework
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead
Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
Streak..
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no
men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women
are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband
Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New
Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like
beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been
visited.
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Now down to business.......
1) FYI - I maintain a separate file for each of you that shows
every stamp you have ever bought from me. If it would be of any
value to you I can email it to you.....
2) I created the above files so that if you ever order a stamp
that you have already ordered form me before my computer will go
into a convulsive fit, cough & choke and other gyrations to let
me know that I should contact you to see if you actually want
another one. Tell me another stamp store that does that !! --
We Aim to Please !!!
3) We now have a gallery of cards made using Penny Black stamps
- the purpose is to share ideas so perhaps you can get more use
out of stamps you may already have. You can send pics of your
cards and we "MAY" put them in the gallery. Please include the
stamp numbers so we don't have to look them up. We will not be
giving credit to the 'arteest". We want it to be " Look what
you can do with this/these stamps" rather than " Look what I
made". I hope you understand. If we get emails asking
questions about the cards we will forward that email to the card
"owner" -- So, if you don't want such emails then please do
not send the pictures. It is our hope that you find this
useful. We hope to add at least a page (12 cards) each week. I
haven't done so yet but I will have a listing on the website
where you can type in a stamp number and it will take you to the
sample card (if there is one).
4) As most of you know, about 3 months ago I started offering
the OLD RETIRED Penny Black stamps. As I expected it has been
somewhat of a financial disaster because I have to buy several
stamps just to get one - example I recently had a customer want
a 1603A - Mini Rosebud::: I had to buy 12 of them ( $ 24.00 for
a $ 4.00 sale) and most likely will never sell the remaining 11.
I now have 200-300 different retired images in stock. I am
not disappointed at all because I think they are great stamps
and I want to make them available to the stamping world. What I
am bothered with is the space required to stock them and we have
very little space left. Earlier I had said that I would post
more old catalogs this month. I have decided to postpone that
since I will now be getting the new Christmas stamps and will
need to see how that impacts my storage space....... If you
happen to see a stamp not shown on my website please feel free
to order it and I'll get it for you...
5) Do to either my errors or guessing wrong I sometimes end up
with too many of some images. So, in an effort to help create
more shelf space I am having an OVERSTOCK sale - great prices
-- The sale is limited to the quantities I have on hand so it
is a First Come - First Served basis.
6) I hate to do this because it will be a pain dealing with it
but it is important enough to deal with it. I am certain that
some of my emails are going into SPAM folders or deleted
completely. So, I am asking each of you to send me an email
letting me know that you actually received this email. If you
know how to "whitelist" an email address I would appreciate you
allowing emails from these addresses into your inbox:
7) One more time I am going to ask that you consider using your
credit card instead of PayPal when buying from me. I currently
have approx 500 customers using the CC and we have had no
problems. I will be happy to call you for theinformation if you
are still leery of sending online - or you can call me... Link
on the website. Using CC saves me a lot of time & work and
really speeds up getting orders out the door.
8). Last but not least::: I have an appointment next Thursday
to sit down with our new President, Mr. Obama. I am sure you
have heard about the "Cash for Clunkers" program where the
Government is giving cars buyers up to $ 4500.00 if they trade
their gas guzzler in for a more fuel efficient new car. The
Senate just recently approved another 2 billion dollars for this
program. This is a heck of a deal if you are one of the lucky
people able to take advantage of this program. For those of us
not that lucky we can be happy knowing that "WE" paid for the
program.
Let's assume that you paid $ 10,000 in Federal Income Tax last
year. Do you realize that it takes 200,000,000 (Two Hundred
Million) of you just to pay for that program.
Now that just urinates me off severely. I think it is just as
important, if not more, that the non-stampers in the USA should
subsidize those of you who are stampers. I am going to ask him
for a modest 3 million dollars --- hmm.. let's see, I have
roughly 2000 customers so that means each of you would get $
15,000.00 to spend on stamps and thus bail my raggedy arse out.
Am I thinking or what?
I'll let you know what he has to say about my plan....I'm pretty
sure he will go for it because it has been proven that:
1) Red Rubbah absorbs and neutralizes 'greenhouse' gases
2) The divorce rate will go down because husbands won't card
how many stamps his little missus has.
3) Family savings accounts will grow because the little missus
will be too preoccupied to be visiting placed like Victoria's
Secret resulting in less of a demand on the old man's part so he
can then feel liberated enough to go fishin' & huntin' and help
our naturalists keep animal populations in check.
4) Because there will be fewer trips to Victoria's Secret there
will also be a decline in the birthrate and thereby lessening
the demand for milk and thus the need for fewer cows thus
decreasing the amount of methane gas (cow flarts) which is a
major contributor to the depletion of the ozone thus resulting
in fewer cases of skin cancer thus creating a diminished demand
for medical services which results in lower insurance claims,
thereby reducing the insurance premiums leaving more disposable
income to be spent on paper, ribbon and other doodads which
ultimately stimulates the economy. See, it all makes sense.
He's gotta go for it!!
Talk to ya later....
Dick